Back-to-School Conversations: Helping Children Manage Anxiety and Set Goals

Back-to-school season can bring excitement, but it can also bring worry. Children may feel anxious about new teachers, harder schoolwork, unfamiliar classmates, changing routines, sports tryouts, or finding someone to sit with at lunch. Some children talk openly about these concerns. Others become quieter, more irritable, restless, or complain about headaches and stomachaches without clearly saying what is bothering them. Parents naturally want to help. Yet children do not always need a speech, a lesson, or an immediate solution. Sometimes they simply need a conversation.

Talk, share, and laugh together. A child who says, “I’m worried nobody will like me,” may not need to hear, “You’ll be fine.” Instead, a parent might say, “I remember feeling that way when I started fifth grade. I was convinced everyone already had a best friend.” Sharing a personal story can help a child feel less alone. Parents can talk about a time they were nervous before school, struggled with a subject, felt embarrassed in class, dealt with a bully, or had difficulty making friends. These stories do not need to end with a perfect lesson. In fact, children often connect more easily with honest memories. You might remember forgetting your lunch, getting lost in the hallway, giving the wrong answer with complete confidence, or wearing something that seemed fashionable at the time but now makes everyone laugh. Humor can soften anxiety. It reminds children that uncomfortable moments pass and that many mistakes eventually become family stories.

Listen Before Offering Advice

When children share a worry, parents may feel pressure to fix it quickly. Slowing down can be more helpful.

Try asking:

• “What part worries you the most?”

• “What do you think might help?”

• “Has anything like this happened before?”

• “Would you like me to listen, help you think of ideas, or both?”

These questions invite children into the conversation. They also help children identify their feelings, express their concerns, and think through possible next steps. Parents do not need to have every answer. Being calm, curious, and available can help a child feel supported.

Keep Goals Personal and Realistic

The beginning of a school year is also a natural time to discuss goals. These goals do not have to focus only on grades.

A child’s goal might be:

• Asking one question in class each week

• Introducing themselves to someone new

• Completing homework before turning on a device

• Practicing a sport, instrument, or activity consistently

• Reading for a few minutes each evening

• Asking for help when something feels confusing

• Learning one way to calm down before a test

• Becoming more organized in the morning

• Showing kindness to a classmate who feels left out

  
  

Large goals can feel overwhelming, especially for an anxious child. Smaller goals create opportunities for success. Instead of saying, “You need to become more confident,” try asking: “What is one small thing you would like to feel more comfortable doing?”

Parents can share their own goals as well.

A parent might say, “My goal is to be more patient in the mornings,” or “I want to put my phone away while we eat dinner.”

Goal setting becomes more meaningful when children see that adults are also learning, adjusting, making mistakes, and occasionally starting over.

Books That Can Begin the Conversation

Children sometimes find it easier to talk about a fictional character before talking about themselves. A book can offer a comfortable starting point for discussing worries, friendships, mistakes, perseverance, and personal goals.

First Day Jitters by Julie Danneberg offers a humorous look at back-to-school anxiety. Parents can use it to talk about how nervous feelings affect both children and adults and share memories of walking into an unfamiliar classroom or beginning something new.

Ruby’s Tools for Making Friends by Apryl Stott follows a young fox who uses practical strategies while managing anxiety and trying to make friends at a new school. It can open a conversation about what helps a child feel calmer or more comfortable around new people.

The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson explores feelings of being different, uncertain, or alone, along with the courage involved in sharing one’s story. Parents might follow the book by describing a time they felt left out, misunderstood, or afraid to speak.

Try Your Best, Forget the Rest by Heath McKenzie focuses on self-doubt, effort, and the idea that trying can matter more than winning. It can support relaxed conversations about personal goals, competition, disappointment, and how children define progress for themselves.

Dream Big by Deloris Jordan draws from Michael Jordan’s childhood dream of becoming an Olympic athlete and emphasizes patience, dedication, and perseverance. Families can use it to discuss the difference between having a dream and choosing small actions that help move toward it.

Flight School by Lita Judge tells the story of a penguin who wants to fly despite the obvious difficulties. Its warmth and humor can lead to conversations about adapting a goal, accepting help, solving problems creatively, and continuing after disappointment.

Create a Family Conversation

Back-to-school discussions do not have to feel formal. They can happen in the car, during dinner, while taking a walk, or while preparing lunches together. Parents can talk about their favorite teachers, difficult subjects, childhood friendships, school performances, sports, embarrassing moments, and goals they once had.

Children may enjoy hearing that their parents were not always confident, organized, or certain about what to do. Parents do not need to turn every book or conversation into a teaching moment. Read together. Talk about the characters. Share a personal memory. Laugh about a mistake that once felt enormous. Then ask your child what part of the story felt familiar. The goal is not to give a perfect speech. It is to create space for connection.

Listen to the worry. Share a memory. Laugh together. Help your child choose one small, realistic goal. Children often manage anxiety more successfully when they feel understood, supported, and included in finding their own next step.

At Bridge2Horizon Psychotherapy and Counseling Services PLLC, we believe that meaningful conversations can help families strengthen communication, build confidence, and approach new challenges together.